The End of the World

I read the other day that our galaxy and the Andromeda galaxy are going to crash into each other a lot sooner than expected. Instead of 10 billion years, the timetable is now two billion to five billion years.

Think of it. Imagine you're around for it. Imagine it happening tomorrow. The first clue: We'd get a call at 6 a.m. that school was cancelled. Kayti would be delighted. That's worth the end of the world right there.

I'd have to have coffee before turning on the tube. Even the end of the world doesn't change that. "Good God, Rex," I'd yell. "Come look at this!"

We'd sit on the edges of our chairs, watching talking heads on TV bringing us updates on how close we are to annihiliation.

"This just in," says one, turning to Camera B. "Pluto has collided with Androcles II, glanced off and is heading for Neptune. Andromeda planet Nebuchudnezzar just whizzed by Earth, and its gravitational pull has caused a tidal wave that has engulfed Asia." She looks into the lens. "I guess it's bye-bye, China," she says, with a highly inappropriate laugh. She tidies her papers. "And now, sports cancellations with Phil."

All we can do is sit there and keep our fingers crossed that nothing slams directly into Earth or pulls a Nebuchudnezzar anywhere near the Western Hemisphere.

In a way, it would be kind of fun to say, when your kid spills her orange juice and starts crying, "Oh, honey, it's the end of the world." Or your husband experiences ED, you don't try to make him feel better -- you turn over and say, huffily, "Yes it IS the end of the world."

And if something does hit Earth, or our place on it, spot on, will it be an instant death, or will we suffer through mayhem and destruction before freezing to death or suffocating in the thick blanket of space dust enveloping the Earth? Keep those cyanide capsules handy!

I think the only thing that will survive the collision is the billing department at Central Maine Power Company. Worlds may implode, but CMP will go on overcharging us.