You've always wanted to catch those roosters running wild in your backyard, right? I know I have. I look out my window and see those plump, juicy roosters and it make my mouth water like Niagara Falls. If I could just get my hands on them and take them to the slaugh... ... uh ... rooster heaven.
Now I can -- and so can you! Because I am about to reveal to you my incredible 10-step method to get those roosters into a pen and then pluck them like ripe berries from their perches. I know it sounds impossible -- and if you've ever chased a rooster, you know what I mean! But there's really no reason you too can't be successful using my tried-and-true tips to move your roosters from yard to oven with little fuss and no muss!
First you need to know something about roosters. Roosters may not seem very smart, but then, they don't have to be. All roosters have to be is WARY. And they are plenty wary. Roosters love their freedom more than they love their hens. A rooster will spend hours at a coop door putting one foot in, and one foot out, doing the hokey pokey and turning himself about without ever really committing himself to entering. You'd think you could sneak up behind him and pressure him to go in. Think again.
Secondly, roosters get hungry when they haven't had food for a long time. This may seem self-evident, but most people don't think about the time factor. Most people think a rooster is always hungry, that all you have to do is put down some corn any hour of the day and a rooster will hop right to it. That is just not the way roosters are.
OK, those are the basics. And now (drum roll, please), the way to catch those roosters:
1. Do not feed roosters any breakfast until about 11 a.m.
2. Open the coop's people-size door. If the coop's chicken-size door leads to a secure pen, leave it open. If it does not, then make sure it is firmly shut and that a rooster can't push it open from the inside.
3. Fill food pans and place them as far inside the coop as you can.
4. Get a long stick and position yourself about 15 feet from the coop, on the side from which you will be closing the door.
5. Stand for what earlier in the day would have been an infinite amount of time waiting for a rooster to go in, but which now, because you waited so long to feed them, will be just a minute or two.
6. As soon as a rooster has disappeared inside the door, move quickly and quietly closer to the door and use your long stick to slam the door shut. Voila! You have your first rooster! And as they say, a rooster in hand is worth two in the yard.
7. Enter the coop and, shutting the people door behind you, pressure the rooster to go out the chicken-size door into the pen. If you don't have a pen, corral your captive somehow so that when you repeat the process, he doesn't escape out the people door. You could erect a temporary wall with a small, blockable entrance, or put up a strong, fine-mesh net. Or you could pop your prisoner into a crate of some sort.
8. Repeat the previous 7 steps with your remaining free-range roosters.
9. Once all roosters are captured and accounted for, release them from their in-coop restraints and don't let them out.
10. The night before the Big Day, enter the coop after the roosters have all gone to sleep, remove the slumbering future Sunday roasts from their perches and deposit them in the cages you'll transport them in.
Don't be discouraged if a few roosters seem to have a sixth sense about when you are approaching the door to shut it. They'll come back, eventually. They'll hear their buddies crowing and scuffling inside and their flocking instinct will kick in. You must exercise patience, which can be difficult, but the rewards are well worth it!
One caveat: You'd think that once all the roosters are contained, you're home free. I thought I was, with seven roosters in the pen as the sun began to set the night before their final journey. Alas, despite my impassioned gestures to shut up, my husband mentioned at the dinner table about our plans for the morrow. Our 9-year-old daughter jumped up, shouting, "What? You're taking the roosters to be killed?"
Before we could catch HER, she ran outside, threw open a door and my day's work literally flew the coop.
So, perhaps an 11th step is needed: Add padlock to coop door. Or, add duct tape to husband's mouth.
Now, get out there and round up those roosters! You can do it! And think of the pride you'll experience when your family gathers for Thanksgiving, and someone asks, as he's licking his fingers clean from the fried chicken, "Who caught this delicious bird?" You can righteously puff out your chest and crow, "That would be me!"
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