How to Make a Million Dollars Writing for the Web

Wouldn't it be great to get paid to write the kind of stuff I put on this blog? I think so, so I took a trial membership in "FreelanceHomeWriters.com," or a title to that effect. It's a site that helps you enter the world of bidding for freelance writing jobs.

AN INTRODUCTION TO MAKING A MILLION DOLLARS WRITING FOR THE WEB

The first thing you have to do on the FreelanceHomeWriters site is read the introduction. If you're like me, and you want the bottom line without a lot of jibber-jabber, this introduction will really try your patience. I skipped the personal testimonials, mainly because I think they're all made-up anyway. And who cares how the site founders got started or what they personally struggled with? Just tell me how to make a million dollars tossing out blog entries!

That came next, in the form of an ebook on how to write for the Web. Now, that was an eye-opener! In fact, there were so many eye-openers in this section, I hardly know where to start!

AMAZING TRICKS FOR MAKING A MILLION DOLLARS WRITING FOR THE WEB

It's amazing how many tricks people employ to entice readers to their Web sites, to wit:

1. Liberal use of keywords. If you're hired to write an article, an employer will in most cases give you a set of keywords to sprinkle throughout the copy. That's because the more you mention a keyword, the better your article's chances of popping up on Page 1 of a Google search. Most people who Google something never even bother going to Page 2 and beyond, so being on Page 1 is a definite plus.

2. Formulaic headlines. This site actually lists fill-in-the-blank headlines you should use for any Web articles you write, because they've been shown to reel in readers. Some examples: *

The Secret of… (your subject here)
Little Known Ways to… (your subject here)
Get Rid of (problem) Once and For All…
Here’s a Quick Way to (solve a problem)…
Now You Can Have (something desirable) (great circumstance)
(Do Something) Like (A Professional Example)…
What Everyone Ought to Know about (blank)…
Give Me (amount of time) and I’ll Give You (blank)…
The Lazy (person’s) Way to (blank)…
See How Easily You Can (desirable result)…
You Don’t Have to be (something challenging) to be (desired result)…


These work very well, although you may feel using them stifles your creativity. Say your subject is Having Sex with Pandas. Just plug that into each one of the above, and pick the one that works best for you. How about, "Now You Can Have Sex with Pandas and Still Be the Respected CEO of a String of Daycares!" Or, "Give Me 5 Minutes and I'll Give You the Best Sex You've Ever Had with a Panda."

3. Liberal use of subheads. The more the better, and, of course, each subhead should have the keyword in it. "Why Sex With Pandas?" "Sex With Pandas Has Long History" and "How to Find a Panda Sex Partner" would all be viable subheads in this hypothetical (we hope) article.

4. Then there's the tried-and-true bullets tactic. Readers love bulleted lists, which are so easy to compile and help you to quickly reach your 500-word quota.

Well, you get the gist.

YOU'LL BE SURPRISED HOW YOU CAN MAKE A MILLION DOLLARS WRITING FOR THE WEB

The next eye-openers came in the site's job bank. It will astound you to see what people are willing to pay for. "Blog commenter" looks like pretty easy money. A person who gets paid to blog needs to justify the pay, and so will pay others to comment on his or her blog.

Another job that strikes me as rather sleazy if not downright dishonest is "Expert craigslist poster." Craigslist doesn't like you to post the same ad in lots of places, so these people will pay you to disguise their ads and plaster them all over the craigslist world. Now there's a noble use of my writing skills!

On the plus side, people do need content for their Web sites and blogs, and it's not difficult to write the articles. It might be difficult for me, though, to stick to facts. Rather than jump in and bid on a job, I assigned myself a blog entry to see if I could suppress my wild individualism and yoke myself to writing to specs. Hence my Nov. 13 article on catching roosters.

CAN I REALLY MAKE A MILLION DOLLARS WRITING FOR THE WEB?

Despite my really long headline on my rooster article (readers are supposed to like long headlines better than short ones) and my use of practically every suggested headline strategy, and the use of the keyword "roosters" in just about every sentence, I saw absolutely no uptick in readership in the first 24 hours.

Oh my god, I forgot to put in subheads! (Smack myself on the forehead!) No wonder readers haven't been falling over themselves to read my rooster advice.

HOW TO MAKE A MILLION DOLLARS ON THE WEB WITHOUT WRITING A WORD

FreelanceHomeWriters.com says an 8-year-old child could write these content articles. I'll put my 9-year-old to work on it right away. In fact, maybe I'll pay her, and then resell the articles. What a brilliant idea! I could have an entire stable of local children churning out Web content.

Thank you, FreelanceHomeWriters.com!