Blat Report

Just what does it mean to be self-absorbed, and is it a bad thing? It seems to me that in this life we can seek answers to all kinds of questions, and why wouldn't delving into your own self be just as valid a pursuit as delving into others'?

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I like men, as long as they keep their distance. Men don't deserve to get close to me. I haven't met one yet that's been worth the trouble. I've been too nice to them, I've given them the benefit of the doubt. But now, that is OVER!

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Kayti, who is now 10, and I had a great laugh last evening. She and Rex and I were sitting at the kitchen table, which is now in the living room, eating dinner, which consisted of tortilla chips and a couple of hot dips Rex had concocted. I read the promo at the top of the tortilla-chip bag, something about tortilla chips being "fun to share."

I was skeptical. Nice to share, sure, but "fun" to share? "They're overdoing the fun aspect," I said.

Kayti handed me a chip. "Here, Mom!" she said in a bright, fun voice. "Have a tortilla chip!"

"Oh, thank you for sharing this!" I beamed. "This is so much fun! I don't know WHEN I've had more fun!"

I grabbed a chip and held it out to her. "Here! Here's one for YOU! Isn't this FUN?"

We carried on this way until we were laughing so hard tears coursed down our faces.

Rex, meanwhile, was laughing, too. But not with us. At us. Which was OK, too.

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The reason this post is called the Blat Report is that I started out thinking I would explain my latest theory on "Why Debbi Can't Play Her Trombone."

I think it's because I may have had at least one episode of Bell's palsy a number of years ago. Or maybe I've had some of those little strokes that you don't notice. Bell's palsy affects only the facial muscles -- it's when Cranial Nerve No. 7 gets pinched thanks to an infection of some sort. Herpes simplex (the cold sore virus) can cause it.

If you have a very mild attack, you might not recognize Bell's palsy for what it is. But it will weaken if not paralyze your facial muscles for at least a couple of months. It can be overcome, but to avoid long-lasting effects you have to treat it. If I did have one or more episodes, I didn't know it, so I didn't seek treatment. And that would explain why no matter how much I practice, and I do practice almost every day, my control just doesn't improve.

There you have it. I hope I remember to present this theory when I have my annual physical next month. I'm playing in a concert band right now, but I can't say it's doing the band any good. ....